- (A gay couple has just met up in the restaurant and kissed each other upon arrival. Another customer has seen this and is obviously angry.)
- Angry Customer: “Damn f**s.”
- Gay Man: “Excuse me?”
- Angry Customer: “You heard me, you little s***. Let’s not make this into some little pride protest, okay? I have to accept that you’re going to live your lifestyle, and you have to accept that I’ve got freedom of speech.”
- Gay Man: *quietly* “Is it too much to ask for a little human decency?”
- Angry Customer: “Human? Listen up, what you’re doing is not human. I think I have the right to determine what I think is human.”
- (The manager shows up. He’s a quiet Italian man who I assume is conservative due to the Christian imagery and portrait of Reagan he keeps around the restaurant.)
- Angry Customer: *to the owner* “Hey, can you move either them or us to another table?”
- (Instead of responding to the angry customer, the owner instead speaks to his wife.)
- Owner: “I’m sorry ma’am, but we have a strict ‘no pets’ policy in my restaurant.”
- Wife: “Uh, I, uh, what? I don’t have a—”
- Owner: “Well, according to your talking monkey over here, I can determine who’s a human and who’s not. You bring an animal into my restaurant; I gotta assume it’s your pet.”
- (The angry customer storms out. When I left, the owner was giving his description, and copies of security camera footage, to the biggest crowd of police I’ve seen. Apparently it’s a bad idea to not pay your bill at a restaurant that gives free coffee to cops.)
I simply knew that I was peculiar and that I was a puzzle to those around me. I was also learning that this weirdness was a part of me that was not to be extinguished.
i’ve never successfully made out with anyone but i can get really shy cats to sit in my lap and purr
lets just be clear, if you spend the time baking a cake/cookies/brownies, you can eat as many of them as you want and the calories don’t count. you made those calories. you’re their god.
disclaimer: this does not apply to children you have made
Why are goosebumps called goosebumps
few people know this but there are actually tiny geese trapped under your skin. when you get cold they think it’s time to fly south for the winter so they try to break free and the bumps on your skin are their beaks trying to break through.
trust me. i am a goosologist. i study geese. my wife is a goose. we have three beautiful goose-human hybrid children. don’t judge our love.
i love the science side of tumblr